My hat is off to this gentleman...

http://www.scrappleface.com/
Blogging at it's finest.

I'm digging the Odwalla...

I have consumed much orange juice in my time, but none better than Odwalla orange juice, created by three musicians in 1980 with a $200 juicer, a box of oranges and some bottles. You can pick it up at Starbucks, and you should. It's good stuff.

"My mom says I have cancer."

When the funniest line of a movie turns out to be "My mom says I have cancer," you know you are in trouble... Hollywood's current remake of "The Bad News Bears" is truly bad news for fans of the original "classic."

Billy Bob Thornton is certainly no Walter Matthau as the beer-guzzling, foul-mouthed, head coach. While the remake sticks closely to the original storyline, the casting simply falls short of matching the original. Let's hope that in the future Billy Bob sticks to more challenging and interesting roles such as the ones he had in Slingblade and A Simple Plan.

For Kentucky Wildcats' fans...

A Duke family of basketball supporters headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Kentucky jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Kentucky Wildcats fan and I would like this Kentucky jersey for my birthday".

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk to mother". Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Wildcats fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday".

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Kentucky jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Wildcats fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son on the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have." "Good son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Kentucky fan for an hour and I already hate you Duke bastards."

Set the time machine for the 19th Century.

I am confident that I was born too late. I feel far better suited to have lived in the 19th century.

"It is the duty of a gentleman to know how to ride, to shoot, to fence, to box, to swim, to row and to dance. He should be graceful. If attacked by ruffians, a man should be able to defend himself, and also to defend women from their insults."
-Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture. 1886

That is exactly the type of world I would be comfortable living in. Today civility, manners, and common decency have gone the way of the Packard. Case in point: This afternoon I announced to two of my co-workers that I had recently purchased a seersucker suit. A classic with a rich history dating back some 200 years.

Let the mockery begin... You would have thought I had announced the purchase of a Klansmen's robe.

It didn't help the situation any that these two are in their '30s. Clearly they are simply young, ignorant, and have no appreciation for fashion sense, fashion forward, nor fashion history. Obviously they wouldn't know a frock coat from a walking stick.

My sail has always been set on a course for enjoying the rich tapestry that life has to offer. And why not? In an earlier time I might have been tempted to darken my sword with their blood for their ill-advised impudence, but bloodstains generally give my drycleaner fits.

A seersucker suit is one of eight essential pieces every good man should have in his wardrobe. Seersucker was hailed as a great clothing innovation when it was introduced to America back in 1830. The fact that all of this is lost on two of my co-workers is no great cause for alarm I suppose. After all, the world needs servants also.

What's the matter boys... Afraid of a little fox?

As an information junkie and a former broadcast major, I enjoy monitoring the competitive bickering among the national news "professionals." I can recall when CNN originally laughed with disdain at poor little upstart FOXNEWS. Not to mention the general liberal newspaper media who also quickly sought to dismiss FOXNEWS as nothing more than some high school-level attempt at news coverage.

And of course, as FOXNEWS began to make advances in the all-important nightly ratings, the competing networks began to sharpen their claws. Now that FOXNEWS has actually surpassed CNN with no slow-down in sight, CNN is howling and scowling. Case in point:

CNN HEAD CALLS FOXNEWS COVERAGE 'MEANINGLESS NONSENSE'
Tue Aug 23 2005 20:34:26 ET

CNN President Jonathan Klein implies ratings news leader FOXNEWS is mired in coverage of "meaningless nonsense," claiming: "Fourteen Americans dead, and they have Natalee Holloway on," Klein says. "And they're supposedly America's news channel."

"It's easy and it's brainless," Klein charges in a telephone interview set for publication at the NEW YORK TIMES, explaining why cable news outlets are gravitating to the Aruba story. "They're looking for an ongoing drama" along the lines of the NBC crime show "Law & Order," he said, adding, "Except 'Law & Order' doesn't do the same plot every night.""There are an awful lot of things you can cover if you don't have people tied up with this meaningless nonsense," Klein says.

In early July, Klein pulled CNN's correspondent out of Aruba and dropped the subject from most CNN shows in the absence of new developments.

"If Jon performed as well as he talks, he wouldn't have to explain his network's dismal ratings," says Irena Briganti, a spokeswoman for FOXNEWS. "We have trounced him on every breaking news story from the London bombings and last week's events in Gaza."

Why is it that the elitist left-wing leaning news folks have no better action plan than to just attack FOXNEWS when FOXNEWS is clearly spanking them in the ratings? What do they stand to gain? Has this tactic ever worked in the history of warfare?

Will someone please explain to me why it is that when CNN (AKA the "Clinton News Network") was leading the ratings, viewers were apparently smart, but now that those viewers have migrated over to FOXNEWS, those same viewers have suddenly become mindless idiots (at least according to CNN)?

Folks, there is finite audience who watches cable television news--and they are either watching CNN or FOXNEWS. And the reason they choose one over the other is as clear and apparent as the 2004 red and blue electoral map.

Maybe CNN's execs should point that camera lens at themselves. Then they might see the real reason more viewers now watch FOXNEWS.

So much for "Hooray for Hollywood."

Those days are long gone. Last night I sat through 20+ minutes of coming attractions in a local movie theatre before the movie I had paid to see actually began. Not to mention that these same promotions now include commercials for Coca-Cola, HBO, and others...

So let me get this straight... I'm basically paying for someone to advertise to me--and the movie are consistently mediocre at best? And Hollywood wonders why movie theatre attendance is down significantly.

Hooray for Hollywood? Hardly.

Enough is enough.

Sean "Puffy" Combs has changed his name once again. Remember when he was just "Puffy"? Next he was suddenly "P. Diddy." Now he's simply "Diddy." Give me a break. What's next? "Did"? "Di"? "D"? Who cares what he calls himself. First Prince, now Puffy. How can I be expected to keep my Christmas card list up-to-date!

Also in the EIEC (Enough is Enough Club): Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston, Terrell Owens, any member of the Osborne family, Courtney Love, or any sports figure or Hollywood celeb whining about not making enough money... Just go away.

The best way I know of to beat the heat...

As the temperatures have risen, so has my consumption of Stewart's Orange and Cream Sodas. A sweet and creamy orange soda that tastes just like an orange creamsicle. The perfect anti-dote to the grueling dog days of Summer. Drink one and you may suddenly find yourself wearing a classic Seersucker suit, tipping your Fedora to the passing ladies, feeling just a bit cooler than before. Stewart's has been quinching thirsts across the land since 1924. They also make Root Beer, Cream Soda, Key Lime, Black Cherry, and Cherries and Cream.

Thirsty yet?

Grab your torches and pitchfork!

I just received another ridiculous petition in my e-mail. This one, "signed" by many, many, people, was a petition for President Bush to lower gas prices--complete with instruction for the 2,000th signee to forward it to the president. Oh, brother...

There was no mention of how exactly the president was supposed to lower the gas prices. It simply read, "Petition for President Bush to Lower Gas Prices." And I'm confident that it will be circulated to millions by the end of the week.

I guess maybe we could send some U.S. military troops to the corporate offices of Exxon, Shell, and others demanding their respective CEOs to drop prices. Or maybe we could place troops at neighborhood gas stations to protect the price signs from being tampered with by store employees. You have got to admit that one good sniping incident in the news and no one is raising a price anywhere else.

This type of e-mail slays me. Who doesn’t want lower gas prices? But a crude petition like this is useless and toothless… Do these people actually think President Bush is sitting by the White House laptop waiting to read this and say, “Oh, gee, people want lower gas prices, let’s act!” The president can no more control that than he can control the weather. I’m confident that with his present low approval rating, IF he could figure out a way to lower gas prices, he most certainly would.

My main annoyance is that this group of do-gooders, collectively, is obviously completely ignorant of how government and private business works. Therefore, I've decided to start an e-mail petition demanding the people stop being ignorant. I'll e-mail it to you for your signature... Forward it to everyone you know.

Are You An Angry Male? Take the test...

Courtesy of NewsWeek and MSNBC.com. All rights reserved.

Many Angry Men

Psychotherapist Jed Diamond says excessive moodiness can be caused by something called irritable male syndrome. Now he’s trying to convince skeptics that the condition is real—and treatable.
WEB EXCLUSIVE
By Jennifer Barrett
Newsweek
Updated: 11:55 a.m. ET Aug. 17, 2005
Aug. 16, 2005 - Millions of lines have been written about how women’s hormonal changes can cause mood swings. But what about when men get irritable and withdrawn? Psychotherapist Jed Diamond believes they could be suffering from irritable male syndrome, a condition he says is affecting a growing number of men. No, it’s not a joke. The IMS term was coined by a Scottish researcher who found that rams became irritable, withdrawn and irrational when their testosterone levels plummeted. After visiting Scotland and reviewing the research, Diamond, author of the best-selling 1997 book “Male Menopause” (Sourcebooks), thought the syndrome might apply to humans as well. He analyzed data collected from more than 6,000 men and found that about half said they were stressed, gloomy or negative most or all of the time.
A total of 40 percent of the overall survey said they were often or always irritable. Many of those who reported feeling the negative emotions, he discovered, were also experiencing certain hormonal fluctuations—namely, a drop in testosterone—as well as changes in brain chemistry, increased stress and a loss of male identity. Diamond’s research developed into a quiz and a book, “The Irritable Male Syndrome,” which Rodale Press will release in paperback next month. NEWSWEEK’s Jennifer Barrett spoke with Diamond about the causes, treatment, and skepticism of the condition. Excerpts:
NEWSWEEK: I have to admit that when I first saw the book’s title, I thought it was a joke. How did the book come about?After I finished my book on male menopause in 1997, I got hundreds of letters from all over the world … Many people were asking about symptoms in men that were not yet identified with male menopause like irritability, and men changing from Jekyll to Hyde … Then someone sent me article from an obscure Scottish journal about irritable male syndrome. Dr. Gerald Lincoln [of the Medical Research Council's Human Reproductive Sciences Unit in Edinburgh, Scotland] had coined the term after studying rams. He’d been working on male contraceptives and was moderating the hormone levels of rams. He found, inadvertently, that as their testosterone levels dropped, they became more irritable.
But those were rams.We wondered if it might also be true in human males. So I went to Scotland and interviewed him and visited his research lab, and I decided that IMS really captured the biological, hormonally based shift that happens in men during age ranges where hormonal changes are most likely to occur.
How does a man know if he has IMS?We adapted a [test] of 50 different symptoms. You can see the degree to which these symptoms can cause problems.
I’ve heard this described as both male PMS and another term for a midlife crisis. Why is that?When we did this research—and it’s probably the largest of its kind in the world—we used samples of males from 10 to 75 years old. We were then able to see which ages are most likely to have extreme forms of IMS. There were two age groups where it’s most common: young men between 15 and 28 years old and those in midlife [between 40 and 55 years old]. What they have in common are hormonal changes and changes in their male identity and sexuality and relationships. Those seem to be times when males are more vulnerable to this.
So can IMS happen from normal changes in testosterone?We found triggers can be internal and or external. If someone has a serious drop in testosterone, he can become more irritable and frustrated and angry. In the real world, it is often triggered by a traumatic loss. It could be the loss of a job or a relationship, a physical illness or injury. But rather than ask, "What is going on inside me?" men tend to think the problem is being caused by someone else. He’ll say, "Of course I am irritable—who wouldn’t be when treated this way?" He complains that his wife is not there for him or his boss is always doing this or that. He assumes the anger is justified—if he recognizes it at all. Part of the difficulty is getting men to recognize that [IMS] is something triggered by something that is going on in them, too. So they are looking out at the world through distorted lenses.
Do all men get IMS at some point?No. Four factors come together to produce IMS. All males go through adolescence and have brain and physical and hormonal changes, and they will get irritable—same with midlife and male menopause. But some go through it relatively easily while others have major changes. What determines that is a mixture of hormonal changes—some have more than others—changes in brain chemistry, stress levels and loss of male identity.
Are we seeing more cases of IMS as men’s roles in society change? There is a disconnect as more women ascend [in the workplace] and more men don’t know their role … Men are economically becoming displaced and the result is emotional. And in relationships, women are less likely to want to be with men who aren’t successful or don’t seem to have the ability to be successful. So they are marrying later, and they are not willing to settle for men not as adept as they are. So more males feel they can’t attract and keep a woman. That increases irritability on an individual and a national and international scale.
How do you treat IMS?It can be helpful to have counseling. Those men with low testosterone levels may need testosterone restoration. We know that exercise and diet also figure into this pretty significantly. I keep harping on this with people because low-carb diets are the rage. People don’t realize that if you have extremely low levels of carbohydrates, you’ll lower your serotonin levels and get irritable. And we know when you exercise vigorously, your testosterone level goes up and your feeling of well-being increases.
Do you think we’re jumping the gun a bit by labeling these symptoms as a disorder?We don’t want to label everybody who is angry and irritable with IMS. It’s important that people take the test [that Diamond has devised]. Sometimes it is just normal-life irritability. But the test is very helpful, especially with guys who insist "There’s nothing wrong with me." They take the test and get a 124 [out of 150], which is very high, and they recognize it is something they need to deal with. My message to men is that this is something that is real and treatable—and not treating it is putting your own health at risk and running the risk of destroying relationships at home and at work.
© 2005 Newsweek, Inc.
© 2005 MSNBC.com
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8962022/site/newsweek/

Puzzling addiction.

The next potentially big craze is here...Sudoku. If you like this sort of thing this is exactly the sort of thing you will like. You won't have to search far to find one. Are you up to the challenge? There's no math involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. You solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. It's fun. It's challenging. It's addictive! Solving time is typically from 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience. If you like puzzles, this one is for you.

Dear Mrs. Sheehan...

Call me cruel and heartless, however, I think this Cindy Sheehan saga has drug on for far too long now. Enough is enough. Cindy Sheehan is the mother of a U.S. soldier who was killed in Iraq. She is currently camping outside of President Bush's Crawford, Texas ranch, demanding to speak to the president; supposedly simply seeking an end to the situation in Iraq.

I have just two simple words for her: Go home. And take that traveling circus of other "concerned citizens" with their respective agendas, seeking on-air time, with you. I understand that you are a greiving mother and I cannot for a moment imagine that pain. But why are you in essence exploiting your son's tragically unfortunate death by enabling this three-ring circus to continue? I have to raise an eyebrow to the fact that Michael Moore and MoveOn.org are some of your strongest supporters. Please tell me you are driven by passion and not politics.

If I thought for a moment that your intentions were legitimate I would certainly not begrudge you wanting to speak to the president. But why is the the mainstream media generally failing to report that you already DID meet with the president after your son's death? I resent them presenting the story simply as "Greiving mother seeks to meet president." How many times do you want to speak to the president? Five? Ten? More maybe? What do you expect to accomplish by speaking to him again now? Calculated notoriety? Self-serving publicity? Political and public opinion damage for the president? A book deal?

If the media cameras go away I suspect you will too.

In the end we both know that the president is not going to meet with you. He cannot. Otherwise every nut case, zealot, and self-appointed do-gooder in the land would line up outside the ranch and demand equal time. So do yourself a favor, go home, deal with your son's death with dignity, in private, and don't embarass yourself anymore than you already have. Your son deserves better. His service was honorable, decent, and forever appreciated. Don't soil his memory by associating with Michael Moore and MoveOn.org.

I hope that you are simply well-intentioned but misguided. I really do. You wouldn't be the first mother to act without thinking. That's undertandable, considering. But with each passing day you remain there in Crawford, posed in front of the media cameras and microphones; and as the band of kooks around you continues to swell and the support of people like Michael Moore and MoveOn.org increases, I have to question your true agenda. For your son's memory, I hope I'm wrong.


More:

Mrs. Sheehan's blog post from Monday, courtesy of HuffingtonPost.com:

Cindy Sheehan
Mon Aug 15, 4:28 AM ET
The ninth day ended in the most awesome way. We were out at Camp Casey and it was sprinkling a little bit and it really looked like the rain was going to start pouring down anytime. We looked over into the next cow pasture and there was a full rainbow. Rainbows are supposedley God's sign of hope. When Casey was killed on 04/04/04, I thought that all of my hope was killed, too. Being involved in the peaceful occupation of Crawford and meeting hundreds of people from all over the world has given me so much hope for the future.
We had a lovely interfaith prayer service this morning. It was truly beautiful and we were all weeping while we were singing "Amazing Grace." But, during the service, one of our neighbors fired off a shot gun. He said he was shooting at birds, but he is tired of us being there and he wants us to leave. I didn't get to talk to him, but I told the media that if he wanted us to leave so badly, why doesn't he tell his other neighbor, George, to talk to me. We are good neighbors and we are cooperating with everyone. By the way, in case I forgot to blog it last night, the Sheriff has requested that I stay down in Crawford during the night, because he is afraid for my safety after he leaves. He said he would "sleep better" himself at night if I came into town to sleep. Judging from the shooting guns, I guess he was right.George Bush took a 2 hour bike ride on Saturday, and when he got back, he was asked how he could go for a two hour bike ride when he doesn't have time to meet with me, and he said: "I have to go on with my life." (Austin Statesman, August 14) WHAT!!!!!????? He has to get on with his life!!! I am so offended by that statement. Every person, war fan, or not, who has had a child killed in this mistake of an occupation should be highly offended by that remark. Who does he think he is? I wish I could EVER be able to get on with my life. Getting on with my life means a life without my dear, sweet boy. Getting on with my life means learning to live with a pain that is so intense that sometimes I feel like throwing up, or screaming until I pass out from sorrow. I wish a little bike ride could help me get on with my life. I need to focus on the positive, though, and there is so much. I had so many amazing things happen today. I couldn't walk through Camp Casey or the Crawford Peace House today without hugging people and getting my picture taken. Now I know how Mickey Mouse feels at Disneyland. I had a soldier from Ft. Hood come out today and he brought me a small stone with a First Cavalry insignia painted on it and the pictures of three of his beautiful buddies who were murdered there by George's reckless policies. It was such an incredible moment for me when he said: "Keep on doing what you are doing. We are so proud of you. Casey would be so proud of you."I just wish George had as much courage in his entire body as Casey had in his little pinky, then he would meet with me. Crawford, Tx. is beautiful prairie land, but I could think of dozens of other places I would rather be right now. However, if George or anybody else thinks I am leaving before my mission is "accomplished" they have another think coming. I will stay the course. I will finish the mission. I will take no prisoners.By the way, we had about 7 counter protesters today and hundreds at Camp Casey...don't let the mainstream media say differently.

I'm being controlled by something I can't even see...

It's true. My life is presently being controlled (in a manner of speaking) by satellites. First it was satellite TV. I love it. Wouldn't give it up. More recently, I've become addicted to SIRIUS satellite radio. I listen to it on trips, in my car, at work, and at home. Oddly enough I have not been smitten with the IPOD bug. But I've never been a fan of listening solely to my own selections of music. I prefer more random selection. I find it considerably more interesting to hear a song start to play that I had forgotten about, or really had no reason to own. Listening strictly to your own music seems "small minded" to me. Perhaps it's because I'm an information junkie and crave new information. IPODs are nothing much more than portable reruns in my book. I'll pass.

Nothing would please me more...

...than to see Hillary run for president in 2008. Please, please, please. Watching her give her concession speech through tear-filled eyes on national television would be richly delicious for more reasons that I will elaborate on at this particular moment.

But for now I'm ordering a Hillary for president button from http://www.cafepress.com/buttonzup. I'll place it next to my Monica Lewinsky buttons among my extensive political memorabilia collection. You may want one too.

If she does in fact run, I will dedicate my every free moment to driving a political stake through her cold, calculating "heart." This one is pure evil folks and as slick as they come.

Drive-Up Shootings May Soon Replace Drive-By Shootings...

The phrase "customer service" makes me laugh. Mainly because the idea behind it has nearly disappeared completely from the consumer-merchant relationship. Almost daily do I encounter an incidence of atrocious customer service. Today was no exception.

In my daily routine of attempting to perform a multitude of tasks during my lunch hour, I stopped by a local McDonald's restaurant to grab a quick lunch on the go. McDonald's has just launched their new "Premium Chicken Sandwiches," and I thought I would roll the dice and give one a try. My first mistake.

I pulled up to the drive-up menu and was welcomed with the standard "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?" I then asked, "Could you please tell me what's on the new chicken club sandwich?"

"I don't know," was her reply. So I waited...assuming she would have the brain cells to ask a nearby co-worker or manager. After about 15 seconds, I hear "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?"

Astonished, I said, "I'm waiting to find out what's on the new chicken club sandwich..." To which she replied, "I don't know... It's my first day back."

At this point, I snapped out a quick, "I think I'll go somewhere else where they know what they're doing." "Okay. Fine," was her retort.

So, I cannot tell you what the new premium chicken sandwiches taste like. Nor will I bother to venture back to a McDonald's for some time to come. Not that my one-man boycott will make a bit of difference, but nevertheless...