Flashback: On the set of "Seabiscuit" back in the Fall of 2002. I am the man in the hat standing along the rail at the extreme lower right (I am facing left). I spent several days performing as a "background actor" ("Extra") while the movie was shot, in part, in Lexington at historic Keeneland Racecourse. Basically, the production crew takes a small group of extras and positions them strategically in various scenes, giving the appearance that there is actually many, many more people in the scene. In the actual movie, the Keeneland scenes are the "match race" scenes between Seabiscuit and Man o' War. Seabiscuit was my first experience as an Extra. I have been a paid extra for two additional movies since then, "Elizabethtown," and "Dreamer." Both are due out later in 2005.

What do "John-Boy Walton" and I have in common? Tim Wilson, a slovenly stand-up comedian and frequent guest on the "Bob and Tom Show," once made fun of me during his stage act for wearing these round glasses. Life lesson: Never sit front row at the local comedy club if you don't want to end up as part of the show. Tim Wilson also had much fun with my friend Bill on a separate occassion at the same club. Seems Tim thought Bill was just a baby boy as he is only in his 20s. Bill hasn't been the same since and I haven't been able to drag him back to the comedy club.

Irvin Cobb wrote long ago, "If you ain't ever been to the Kentucky Derby, you ain't been nowhere and you ain't done nothing."
It's the only place to be on the first Saturday in May. Here I am (right) paddock side at the Kentucky Derby. The Kentucky Derby, "the most exciting two minutes in sport," is one of the three races that make up horse racing's Triple Crown. The race has been held at the Churchill Downs racetrack in Louisville, Kentucky since 1875. The race is held on the first Saturday in May.

My friend Bill at nearby Woodford Reserve Distilleries. Kentucky is Bourbon capital of the world. Many of the area distilleries give tours throughout the year. Each tour is interesting and fascinating. If you ever pass through Kentucky, I recommend you take a couple of side trips and visit one or more of the distilleries. Bill (above) is from New Jersey and is a New York Jets' fan. I think that tells you all you need to know about Bill.

In my spare time I like to serve the people by working as a short order cook around town. I have also been known to dress the part for our Halloween costume contest at work.

The Blood-Horse Publications' building where I work in Lexington's southwest end of town. Lexington is world-renown as the "Horse Capital of the World" and Blood-Horse Publications is the Thoroughbred industry's leading publishing company. Our flagship publication, The Blood-Horse, is the #1 magazine in the industry.

My nephew Mark is a new car salesman for a nearby Ford dealership in Versailles, Kentucky. If you are interested in purchasing a new Ford, I would recommend you go see Mark. He seems to have an honest face. (Tell him his Uncle sent you and maybe he'll take me to lunch!)

Like weird things? You're in luck.

Sometimes it seems like I receive 25-50 jokes, humorous photos, and other just plain weird e-mails per day. Some of these e-mails are funny, some are perpetuating "Urban legends," and the rest, well, let's just say they are head-shakingly weird.

This has to be one of latter. But before you click the hotlink, I warn you, this is BIZZARE and potentially shocking and offensive. If you are easily offended or under 21, do NOT click here. If you need living proof that some people will buy/sell anything, her 'tis: www.whizzinator.com

My nephew Tyler, learning to jump. Who knows, perhaps some day we may see Tyler at the Rolex Kentucky 3-Day Event trying to qualify for the Olympics.

Somewhere around 2 A.M. it happens...

The later I stay up, the more I have the nagging feeling that the only people who are up at that time are people who should be asleep watching people on TV who need to be put to sleep.

The world is a stage. And someone has to protect it.

If you have ever been to a music concert you have seen them. Those guys dressed in all black or sometimes an orange or white SECURITY T-shirt, who stand around the stage area looking imposing and intimidating, seemingly devoid of personality or emotion.

In my spare time, for "fun," I work "stage security" at Lexington's Rupp Arena, a 24,000-seat arena, for concerts and events. It's a fun way to spend a few hours and see a lot of touring acts. The idea behind stage security is simple: the "act" stays on stage, while the sometimes overzealous concert-goers stay off. And no one gets backstage that doesn't belong there. That can be easier said than done. If you think about it, there's ten to twenty-thousand people in the venue, and only a handful of security.

If you like music or comedy and learning what goes on behind the scenes, it can be a fascinating job. Some of the acts who have come through in recent months/years: Kenny Chesney, Cher, Elton John, Tina Turner, U2, Backstreet Boys, Allison Krauss, KISS, Rodney Carrington, Bill Cosby, Jay Leno, Wayne Brady, Montgomery Gentry, Gavin DeGraw, the Pussy Cat Girls, and many, many others. Some are nice, some are not. Some are high maintenance, some are as down to earth as you or me. And other than the occassional self-absorbed management person who thinks they are King, the gig can be quite interesting and entertaining. (Give some folks a walkie-talkie and a little power and it goes right to their head.)

Fans are very insistent and very creative from time to time in their quest to make contact with their favorite singer or group. You learn quickly how to read body language--and if you're smart, how to maintain control of the situation and how to persuade people to do what they should be doing in the first place. When people lie their body tends to give them away. Most people are good-natured and mean the act no harm, but you can't make that assumption and drop your guard. You wouldn't believe who has legitimate stalkers out there trying to come in contact with them. Who knows what they have in mind.

So the next time you attend a concert and those hulking security people look a little too intense, they may be observing you and those around you, and for a very good reason. After all, it's what they are paid to do: Be one part diplomat, one part defender. 99% of the time it's nothing more than standing there. And that's all right too.

An afternoon at the track beats being in the office any day. Working in the Thoroughbred industry I am lucky enough to be able to travel to various historic tracks such as Saratoga (above), Santa Anita, Keeneland, and Churchill Downs. Today I spent the afternoon at Churchill Downs and hit three Exactas. It was a good day indeed.

Funny Craig vs. Unfunny Craig.

Have you seen "TV's Craig Ferguson?" This guy is actually very funny. If you happen to be up late you may see a familiar face if you were a fan of the Drew Carey show, Craig Ferguson, the Scottish actor who played Carey's boss for most of the show's run. While I detested his character on Carey's show and didn't find him to be the least bit funny (ABC sitcoms rarely are), I now find him to be quite funny hosting his own late night talk show. I suspect it is because he doesn't seem to take himself too seriously. (Take note Craig Kilborn.)

Speaking of Craig Kilborn, he was obnoxiously egotistical and repulsive and thank heavens he's gone. Good riddance. Now you have more time to spend in front of a mirror staring at yourself.

By the same token, I now face a decision in my occassional late night viewing: Ferguson or Conan O'Brien? Originally I also disliked O'Brien's show for several seasons. It was juvenile and faux-funny, much like the past couple of seasons of SNL. But then suddently O'Brien seemed to relax and hit his stride. His most recent couple of seasons have been quite good and reminiscent of some of Letterman's early years. Thank heavens for TiVo. Now I can watch both.

Elizabethtown Extra.

Last summer I spent a couple of days in nearby Versailles performing as a "background actor" ("Extra") on the set of the upcoming movie "Elizabethtown" directed by Cameron Crowe and starring Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. It was fun, it was hot, it was the second time I had been an Extra. It is fascinating to see the behind the scenes activities. Extras make $75 a day, a far cry from what Tom Cruise pulls down per pic, but hey, who's complaining?

Elizabethtown plot summary: After causing the Oregon shoe company he works for to lose hundreds of millions of dollars, Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom) is fired for his mistake, and promptly also dumped by his girlfriend. On the verge of suicide, Drew is oddly given a new purpose in life when he is brought back to his family's small Kentucky hometown of Elizabethtown following the death of his father, Mitch, as it falls to him to make sure that his dying wishes are fulfilled. On the flight to Kentucky, Drew meets Claire (Kristen Dunst), a quick-witted flight attendant, who helps him navigate the rough waters ahead and proves that amazing things happen when you least expect them.

Elizabethtown was also actually filmed, in part, in the real Kentucky city of Elizabethtown. The scene I was in was shot in Versailles, Kentucky as the production company thought Versailles' downtown was more quaint and photogenic. That's Hollywood folks...where fantasy trumps reality.

The official Elizabethtown movie web site: http://www.elizabethtown.com

Because I didn't know I couldn't.

I have been a busboy, a limousine driver, a security officer, a police dispatcher, a telephone operator, an office supervisor, a TV station master control operator, an alarm center monitoring operator, a celebrity protection bodyguard, a writer, a paid "extra" in several movies, and more. I might have tried other things but I really hate filling out those pesky applications. I suspect that I have been able to do all of these things successfully because my parents never told me I couldn't. Sometimes what you don't you say to your child can be just as life-shaping.

I've never seen the air but I know that it's there.

If a person has never been in love, how can they comprehend this complex feeling that is love? You cannot easily explain it, you cannot manufacture it, you cannot write an equation for it, you cannot create it in a lab. You can love something but that is a far cry from being in love. But true love can shake you to your core at one moment and repel bullets the next. It is more precious than gold but you can't hold it in your hand--yet at any given moment it can slip right through your fingers. There are those that simply love to love and those who cannot love. Which is more sad? I don't wish to be around either. Love makes you do brave and stupid things. You cannot control love any more than you can control the ocean, after all, true love is stronger than the ocean, and far more consuming. Perhaps that is why we are so compelled to write songs about it, paint pictures of it, and pen poetry filled with it. I don't know the exact definition of it, but I know it when I see it. Such a simple word, such a complicated emotion. Don't you just love it?

Hungry?

You have to hand it to her, our little Miss Hilton is managing to extend her "fifteen minutes" a bit. After coining the current catch-phrase "That's hot," Paris is finding new ways to profit from it: http://www.carlsjr.com/ontv

My hat is off to the ad agency for Carl's Jr. (Hardee's in certain regions). They certainly know how to reach the same red-blooded boys who also crave massive, artery-clogging burgers.

But it may beat the alternative.

It is generally not a good idea to speak your mind when you are tired, frustrated, annoyed, and under the influence of a pending full moon. Full disclosure is a dangerous thing. Even though everything you say may be true, there's no guarantee that your audience is going to be able to handle it.

Use the force Lucas...

If I was able to summons up the powers of the world-famous "force," made famous in the original Star Wars movie, I would immediately travel back in time to circa 1977, when director George Lucas first began entertaining the idea of making subsequent Star War's-themed movies. Bad idea George. My mission would be to stop him. Lucas' subsequent releases are proof-positive that you should never willingly follow a legend.

That's the problem with hitting a "Grand Slam" the very first-time you ever step up to bat, anything you do after that pales in comparison. But like that proverbial baseball player, Lucas just keeps on swinging--and missing--from a movie-making standpoint. Business-wise, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is nothing more than a calculated marketing effort to move merchandise. Once again, Lucas insists on crowding the latest efforts with numerous odd and unusual creatures who are there to impress us with the latest in cutting-edge special effects--and of course, lend themselves to massive marketing and toy sales. Knock it off! It's the story, stupid. And since the original, the story has been mediocre at best.

I can't help but wonder if Lucas' ex-wife, a major influence on Lucas while creating the original Star Wars, wasn't the true guiding force to the appeal of the original story. Certainly the story went goofier and goofier once she was out of the picture.

And the cast? WTF? Samuel L. Jackson? It is all I can to keep from laughing outloud each and every time Jackson appears in a scene. Am I the only person sitting in the theater who expects Jackson to utter the words "Mother F--ker" at any given moment? Natalie Portman? Come now, I've seen corpses with more spark than the performance she turns in in "Sith." She was wonderful in "The Professional" several years ago but any trace of the acting performance she gave in that movie is long gone these days. In "Sith," I felt like I was watching a high school drama class production any time she appeared on screen--which was way too often.

Herein may lie the problem. The original Star Wars cast was fresh and relatively unknown, allowing movie-goers to accept them easily as their character. The more recent releases have been so littered with well-known actors that you can't help but think about them "acting" in their roles when onscreen. Which could explain why the cast seems to be so stiff and one dimensional.

Don't get me wrong, "Sith" is the best of the most-recents, but overall it's way too "neat and tidy" and only the truest SW-geeks could think this movie is a "classic." Don't confuse complacency with real movie-making genius. Just because you feel better that all of your previous questions have finally been answered, doesn't mean you should accept a mediocre movie. But that seems to be exactly what Lucas was hoping would happen. And I can give you a few million reasons why.

Cunning. Combat. Churchill.

Men have engaged in combat, mortal and not so much so, since virtually the beginning of the human race. What is it about physically and/or mentally engaging an opponent in combat or in sports that is so deliciously satisfying? Is it man's inherent survival instinct at its best? Perhaps. Winston Churchill reportedly once wrote that there was nothing quite so exhilarating as being shot at and missed.

Today, "Pistols at twenty paces" has thankfully evolved into many far less lethal exercises. Earlier this evening I had the richly rewarding experience of defeating two superiorly-experienced PlayStation gamers at Madden 2005. I will never play or coach in the NFL, therefore I must live vicariously through "arm-chair quarterbacking" and the occasional game of Madden football, played on my plasma TV.

While I am not for a moment equating this monumental moment with the all-time greatest upsets in sports to "The Miracle on Ice," Super Bowl III, Villanova's win over Georgetown, or even Seabiscuit defeating War Admiral, I am however, without reserve, going to taunt and torture these two individuals regarding this feat for many days to come. After all, they earned it and I have every right. Their boasting faded quickly into the night as they began to face the reality. Did I mention that I had only played two complete games of this type previously? It is true. That might explain the frowns on their respective faces as they fled quickly into the night. I may never beat them again, but for tonight, I rein supreme and it is good to be the King... It's the closest I shall ever come to winning a Super Bowl game and hopefully the closest I shall ever come to being shot at.

When the captain is not here he is probably parked in front of this. We all have our vices.

Speaking your mind.

You are invited to speak your mind but mind your manners. Profanity, ignorance, and irrationality will not be tolerated. Just because you have a mouth it doesn't mean it necessarily needs to be moving at all times. Pick your words wisely, you never know when you might have to eat them later. Any topic is fair game: Current Events, Politics, World Events, Sports, Local Lunacy...etc. One other rule: Keep it short or suffer the editor's pen. Sorry, that's the house rules. My house, my rules.

On the eve of the official launch.

Come children, the journey is about to begin. It is time to launch our vessel into unexplored regions. We must spread the news, the knowledge, and the truth. We will face many enemies and many opportunities and we shall not turn back. Fittingly, the fight will be won by the fittest. Take a deep breath now and let us begin.

Our trusty mode of travel.

Captain Bob.