Too bad the deer lost.

How much of a moron do you have to be to "confront" a terrified, wild animal, trapped in a confined space? A man in Arkansas did just that. Read about it: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051102/ap_on_fe_st/deerly_departed

He fought the deer for 40 minutes. Look at your watch now, then look at it 40 minutes later, then imagine fighting a crazed deer all of that time.

Heaven knows there's a million "Kentucky jokes" out there, but as we say here in Kentucky, "Thank goodness for Tennessee and Arkansas."

Amen.

Cookie-cutter rockers rule?

It makes me laugh everytime I see another "Cookie-Cutter Rocker" on MTV, late night TV, or elsewhere. These garrish garage-rocking assembly-line anti-adult "musicians" all tend to look the same: anything-but-average haircut (apparently the goofier the better), basic black T-shirt with "cool" obscure logo or message, tattered jeans, black tennis shoes, and rings of wrist bracelets. Sprinkle in a piercing here and there and it's hard to tell one from the other.

I never know whether I'm watching a musical act, an A&F commercial, or an American suburbs family home movie. And the band name has to match their attire for full effect. Again, apparently, the goofier the better. Names like "Dog's Breath," "Blistered Navel," and "Portly Presidents." Did I make those names up or are they real band names? Exactly my point.

Bobblehead bands rock dude! At least on MTV and late night TV these days.

Wouldn't it be great if your eyes could do this when exposed to light? This is my well-fed, low-maintenance cat. Please do not ask his name. He really doesn't have one. I don't understand why people name cats. If you've ever owned a cat you already know they don't come when you call them, so why name them?

George W. Bush is another Albert Einstein compared to these two.

Why are these two idiots smiling? Is it any wonder this bunch lost the past two presidential elections and will lose again in 2008? "Kooks" is simply too kind.

I took this photograph of UK headcoach Rich Brooks and Defensive Coordinator Mike Archer during Kentucky's home loss to Florida this past weekend. Do I really need to say anything more about the game (or the current state of the program for that matter)?

Would you believe...

Would you believe that "Agent 86" has now died also? First Gilligan a few weeks back, now Maxwell Smart, actor Don Adams. "Get Smart" was another favorite TV show of mine as a child. It was silly, it was slap-stick, and it was witty as hell. Get Smart was the brainchild of comedy writer Buck Henry. The show's soundtrack is also one of the more memorable of all time.

Years later I also enjoyed watching "Don Adams' Screentest" wherein average contestants would reenact famous scenes from Hollywood movies and the best "actor" would receive a cameo role on a then-current TV show.

I hope that when they soon lower Mr. Adams into the ground we won't hear, "Missed it by that much..."

Spaying a Spade.

I am adding one more name to my list of people whom I hope to never see again or hear another word from. Just before the name "Diddy" in my book, I am adding the name of comedian David Spade. His "boyish charm" wore off about 10 minutes after he first arrived on the scene at Saturday Night Live in the 1990s. His boyish looks beat charm out the door by about 5 minutes.

Watching a couple of episodes of NBC's "Just Shoot Me" starring Spade, helped me to understand why they named the sappy sitcom just that. Any reasonable and sane person would find themselves uttering that exact same phrase after trying to watch Spade's "I'm too hip for this room" persona. In any other life you would encounter Spade at your local fast-food establishment, asking you, "Do you want fries with that?"

Now Capital One has helped unfortunately further extend his should-have-been-over-long-ago career by utilizing his "talents" as a "comedic" spokesman for their credit card. Spade's too-old-to-wear-that-hairstyle, deep facial creases, and crack-whore-like build make him an ideal spokesperson for a rehab clinic rather a credit card company. If he's not on illegal drugs he should immediately sue his body for impersonating a meth lab.

Dear David, What exactly is in your wallet?

I hope it's a pink slip soon.

From the muddy waters, a flower grows.

For all of the Jesse Jacksons, Al Sharptons, Kanye Wests, and other so-called leaders or spokespersons within the black community, there is occasionally a true leader who actually does care about fellow blacks and is actually willing to suspend the seemingly ever-present partisan bickering, back-stabbling, and self-serving sensationalism, and actually do something that helps the situation, not just do something that benefits his or her self.

Out of the New Orleans disaster, thankfully, many true caring and concerned members of the black community have emerged. And rather than spending their time standing around in front of reporters and cameras telling the world just how horrible things are in their view because President Bush and white America conveniently and collectively hate blacks, they have spent their time actually pitching in, helping, truly leading, and offering food, aid, care, clothing, shelter, compassion, and comfort to those affected, blacks and whites.

I can't help but wonder if these same warm and wonderful black Americans, largely Democrats, aren't going to remember down the road that when the time came for all people to step forward and help, many of today's Democrat "leaders" chose to, instead, play politics while New Orleans' cried out for help. I hope so. Political motivation is a powerful and sometimes dangerous thing but it does not come without cost.

One clear example of someone simply doing the right thing at the right time is none other than former Gore campaign chief, die-hard Democrat, and political powerhouse, Donna Brazile. I have followed politics for a great number of years, and believe me, there's no one more Democrat at heart than Donna. So I must admit that I was mildly surprised that she of all people has pledged her support to help President Bush rebuild New Orleans. And after reading her words in Saturday's Washington Post, I must say that I certainly admire her willingness to risk her political future by refusing to attack President Bush when his public approval ratings are down. And Donna can draw political blood with the best of them. Among political sharks, Donna Brazile is "Jaws."

But apparently, and I hope that she will forgive me for saying this, Donna and "W" are a great deal alike. Neither seems to care about popular opinion.

And so a helping hand is extended when it's needed most. Isn't that what living in America is all about? It's nice to know that in times of need, the American people are still willing to band together to get it done, and still more powerful than their respective politics.

Reprinted from The Washington Post:
I Will Rebuild With You, Mr. President
By Donna Brazile -- Saturday, September 17, 2005; A21

New Orleans is my hometown. It is the place where I grew up, where my family still lives. For me, it is a place of comfort and memories. It is home.

Now my home needs your help, and the help of every American. Much of my city is still underwater. Its historical buildings have been wrecked, its famous streets turned to rivers and, worst of all, so many of its wonderful people -- including members of my own family and my neighbors -- have lost everything.

On Thursday night President Bush spoke to the nation from my city. I am not a Republican. I did not vote for George W. Bush -- in fact, I worked pretty hard against him in 2000 and 2004. But on Thursday night, after watching him speak from the heart, I could not have been prouder of the president and the plan he outlined to empower those who lost everything and to rebuild the Gulf Coast.

Bush called on every American to stand up and support the rebuilding of the region. He told us that New Orleans and the entire Gulf Coast would rise from the ruins stronger than before. He enunciated something that we all need to remember: This is America. We are not immune to tragedy here, but we are strong because of our industriousness, our ingenuity and, most important, because of our compassion for one another. We are a nation of rebuilders and a nation of givers. We do not give up in the face of tragedy, we stand up, and we reach out to help those who cannot stand up on their own.

The president called on every American to reach out to my neighbors in New Orleans and throughout the Gulf Coast. The great people of this country have already opened their hearts in the immediate aftermath of the storm, and their tremendous generosity has done more than just provide extra comfort -- it has saved lives. Now the crisis of survival is over. But the task of rebuilding remains, and the president made it clear that every single one of us has a role to play.
Each of us belongs to some group -- a church, a union or a fraternal organization, or even a book club -- that can make a difference. It is those groups that can pool resources and then reach out to their counterparts in the stricken states and ask, "What can we do?" Schools, Girl Scout troops, Rotary clubs -- this is the time for every community group to step forward to lend a helping hand. We need it.

The president also laid out the federal government's goal for rebuilding. It is unprecedented in its scope and ambition, matching destruction that is unprecedented as well. He made the challenge clear: This will be one of the biggest reconstruction projects in history. But he also made it clear that we can and will do this. New Orleans, Biloxi, all of the Gulf Coast will rise again. And the residents are ready to pitch in and do their part.

I know, maybe better than anyone, that there are times when it seems that our nation is too divided ever to heal. There are times when we feel so different from each other that we can hardly believe that we are all part of the same family. But we are one nation. We are a family. And this is what we do. When the president asked us to pitch in Thursday night, he wasn't really asking us to do anything spectacular. He was asking us to be Americans, and to do what Americans always do.

The president has set a national goal and defined a national purpose. This is something I believe with all my heart: When we are united, nothing can stop us. We will not waver, we will not tire, and we will not stop until the streets are clean, every last brick has been replaced and every last family has its home back.

Bush talked about how we bury our family and friends. We grieve and mourn. We march to a solemn song and then we rejoice and step out and form the second line. That line is now open to every American to join us in rebuilding a great region of this country. New Orleans will rise again. My hometown is down but not out, and with the help of every American, it will be back on its feet, bigger and brighter than ever.

Mr. President, I am ready for duty. I am ready to stir those old pots again. Let's roll up our sleeves and get to work.

The writer, a Democratic political consultant, managed Al Gore's 2000 presidential campaign.

Still think she was simply a mother overcome with grief?

Here's yet another thing I would bet you haven't heard yet because it doesn't serve the mainstream media's partisan political agenda: This past Monday, concerned Mom come celebrity anti-war protester and instant mainstream media darling Cindy Sheehan demanded that the United States military must immediately leave 'occupied' New Orleans.

Attributed to Sheehan and posted on Michael Moore's Web site and the Huffington Post Web Site, Sheehan allegedly said, "I don't care if a human being is black, brown, white, yellow or pink. I don't care if a human being is Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, or pagan. I don't care what flag a person salutes: if a human being is hungry, then it is up to another human being to feed him/her. George Bush needs to stop talking, admit the mistakes of his all around failed administration, pull our troops out of occupied New Orleans and Iraq, and excuse his self from power. The only way America will become more secure is if we have a new administration that cares about Americans even if they don't fall into the top two percent of the wealthiest."

Now let me make sure I understand you correctly, Mrs. Sheehan, you want the very people who are doing the unimaginable day to day hard work down in New Orleans in order to rescue survivors and restore some sense of "normal" to the city, you want them to leave? Am I correct Cindy? All because President Bush is president? Pulling these heroes out of New Orleans is your idea of helping the situation and people in need in Louisiana?

What an embarrassing blow this must be to the countless liberal newspapers and TV networks who repeatedly attempted to portray you and push you into the public spotlight as simply a distraught mother overcome with grief aftering losing her soldier son, who was gently asking an uncaring president for the courtesy of a meeting to express her concerns. That's the unfortunate thing about a spotlight Mrs. Sheehan, the more it shines upon you, the more we see.

Now what we see is simply that your just another kooky liberal who will stoop to any level to try and smear George Bush. Even if that means using the death of your brave soldier son to do it. As I posted here weeks ago Mrs. Sheehan, in my opinion, your son deserves much better. No wonder your husband has filed for divorce recently. You should be ashamed of yourself, but more importantly you should shut your mouth and keep your nutty politically-motivated opinions to yourself.

Lexington's answer to Al Sharpton.

Lexington's answer to Al Sharpton is Lexington Herald-Leader columnist Merlene Davis. But unlike Al, Merlene limits spreading her myopic misery and ever-present "The white folks are once again keeping the black folks down..." mentality to the poor fools who bother to routinely read her crap, er, um, column. I actually now wait for situations like this to occur, just to see how quickly Merlene manufactures her "woe is us" and vitroilic view of the situation (if not the facts). Merlene will never be as witty, interesting, or entertaining as Maureen Dowd but is she as definitely as predictable as night following day.

Whether or not people like Sharpton and Davis actually believe what they love to shovel or not we will never really know, but you have to factor in that by continually doing so, they remain employed in one sense or the other. The oldage once again applies: "When in doubt, follow the money trail." Mud-slinging equates to money in their bank accounts, no doubt about it.

Davis, not unexpectedly, immediately concluded that blacks in New Orleans were intentionally aided slower than people in other previous disasters strictly because they are black. No surprises there to anyone who knows or reads Merlene.

I can't help myself from offering retort from time to time by sending a letter to the editor in reply to her more outlandish columns. Here is what I sent this past week in response to her New Orleans' column. Whether or not the "Lexington Horrid Liberal" actually prints it, only time will tell. Sometimes they do print my LTE, sometimes they don't.

Letter to the Editor, Lexington Herald-Leader: For someone who spends so much of her time jumping to conclusion, running off at the mouth, racing around to recognize racism, and enthusiastically climbing onto George Bush’s back, Merlene Davis’ newspaper photo seems to indicate she is rather out of shape--in addition to simply being out of touch with reality. Perhaps some day she will hopefully be told to shape up or ship out. I prefer she do the latter.

Let’s face it, if George Bush ate an ice cream sandwich, good ol’ mud-slinging Merlene would immediately accuse him of enjoying the vanilla while disliking the chocolate.

And I’m still waiting for the Lexington Herald-Leader to publish the first photograph of Merlene down in New Orleans lending a helping hand, rather than just sitting around her typewriter in Lexington shaking her fist in the air.

I need a designer leather box... Maybe Prada will make one for me.

A grown man simply cannot be seen in public sipping on a "juice box." But I find them to be very convenient in design, and just the right amount of juice for consumption. But I haven't worked up the nerve yet to stride into the boardroom, juice box in hand, ready for a "power meeting." It simply won't do. Therefore I'm on the hunt for a more "masculine" container to hold my juice boxes. Let's face it, if someone on MTV was seen sipping on a juice box, it would be instantly en vogue. I, on the other hand, must blaze the juice box trail alone! Giddyup!

Democraps.

It will come as a surprise to some who read this that I was once, I admit it....a Democrat. It makes me a little queasy just typing it. Heaven only knows what would happen if I forced myself to say it out loud. Shudder the thought.

I could proceed to write a "War & Peace"-sized explanation here of why I am no longer a Democrat, but suffice it to say that the Democraps current political ploy to regain the White House in 2008 by bludgeoning President Bush at each and every turn--even at the expense of the unfortunate victims of Hurricane Katrina--is just another "shining" example of how low the Democraps will stoop. That wooshing sound you heard recently was so many Democraps' collectively and conveniently rushing to racism.

It apparently does not matter that we are talking significant human death and extensive suffering in New Orleans. I can forgive a traumatized and incompetent mayor's basically baseless accusations, or even forgive the emotional and self-serving remarks of an exhausted and inept governor, but when the so-called leaders of the Democrap party stand before you and me and the nation and purposely and with malice of forethought accuse President Bush of being a racist and person who hates blacks, I absolutely cannot and will not forgive those remarks.

To imply, infer, or anyway otherwise state directly or indirectly that George Bush willingly and knowingly delayed sending help to the people in New Orleans, Mississippi, and Alabama because they are primarily black--for the purpose of promoting racial divide and potentially receiving political gain--is, in my opinion, seditious, subversive, and treasonous. And don't forget to score an assist to the good ol' liberal media, especially The New York Times, and three national TV networks. Lest we lose track of the score they have to settle with President Bush who made them eat crow on election night. These smug and spineless stalwarts don't give a damn about actually helping people in need, they care only about successfully scaling Mt. Elitist and sitting high above the rest of us.

Do they bother reporting that New Orleans' blacks outnumber New Orleans' whites more than 2-1? Did you know that? Have you heard that in ANY report thus far? One need only consult the 2000 census figures to verify. 67% of New Orleans' residents are black. Does it seem such a stretch of the imagination that blacks would make up the large majority of those left or remaining behind after Katrina?

Has the mainstream media reported that Mayor Nagin's previous experience consisted of being the general manager of a local cable company? (What's the biggest crisis you would deal with in that job? HBO going off the air maybe?) Or did you know one of the major focuses of Governor Blanco since taking office was to concern herself with what was going to happen to the New Orleans Saints? Let's see now, which was more likely to pose a more grave and immediate threat to New Orleans? The Saints...or perhaps New Orleans drowning from a hurricane? That's not Monday morning quarterbacking folks, that's just common sense ignored.

Do you remember when you were a child and you did something that your parents told you not to, and it came back to haunt you? What's the first thing you said? "I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" Or maybe you blamed it on your imaginary friend. When Mayor Nagin and Governor Blanco immediately began blaiming President Bush and the feds for their failure to properly prepare, it was like 1st Grade all over again. I guess if you don't plan ahead you should plan to pander to the cameras if you're an elected official in Louisiana.

Are the feds to be held accountable in this mess? Absolutely. They bear a certain and important degree of responsibility for moving slower than they should have, but this massive cobweb of failure was already stretching from pillar to post by the time the feds became entangled. Government isn't like the private sector. Government is slow and all too often, stupid.

History will sort out the appropriate amount of blame for all involved, but more significant, history will also show that when the crisis came ashore the Democraps' leaders picked up their politically-painted buckets and poured more water on the situation rather than picking up a pail and helping bale it out. It's a far cry from the "side-by-side" cooperation we saw after 9-1-1, and enough to make you cry period. But then again, the Democraps have an election to win in '08 and there's no time for tears--only for tearing down. Something the Democraps are experts at.

And that, in part, is why I'm no longer a Democrap.

The fortune cookie game.

If you haven't played the fortune cookie game, you're missing out. The rules are simple. There's only one: Add the words "in bed" to whatever your fortune cookie says. I have played this silly little game for years with friends while visiting Chinese restaurants.

For example, today at lunch, my fortune cookie read: "Many people will be drawn to you for your wisdom and insights."

When you add those two little words, you have something else entirely, and usually something quite funny: "Many people will be drawn to you for your wisdom and insights in bed."

For maximum fun, each person seated at the table should read their respective fortune aloud. This mindless little act momentarily takes your mind off the fact that you just ate entirely too much food from the buffet.