I too want to be a Hilton.

I want to be a Hilton. Yes, an actual family member of the world-renown Hilton hotel namesake tribe that has given the planet the two platinum-blond party hoppers Paris and Nicky, and of course the media-ready matriarch of the clan, mother Kathy.

If I was officially a member of the family, that would authorize me to promptly adminster a well-deserved combination of sodium pentothal, pavulon and potassium chloride into the spindly arms of each of them. A lethal injection... And who could blame me? What court in the land would consider the act anything other than a mercy mission... A favor to society...

One second thought, a lethal injection would probably be a bit of overkill. The same end result could most likely be produced by simply handing them each a copy of the New York Times Crossword Puzzle and a pencil.